Archives - 2005

Malaysian in Space
Mahathir’s Kanchil
Fathers know best..maybe
Rafidah joke!
Fun: Manning a help-desk!

Malaysians Vs Singaporeans
How business is done!
Mistaking a mistake....

 

Malaysian in Space
Dr Mahathir was about to send the first Malaysian rocket into space.
Three potential astronauts were called for an interview - one Indian,one Malay and one Chinese.

He interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous
mission... how much do you think you should be paid for it?" Muthu thinks to himself and says, "1 million ringgit."
"Why so much?" asks Dr M.
"Nowadays toddy wery expensive, Datuk..." replies Muthu.
"I see," said Dr M. "Thank you... please ask the Malay guy to come
here."

So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.
"Uh... 2 million boleh?" replies the Malay applicant.
"2 million? That's a lot of money! Even the aneh before you only asked for one million!"
"You see, Datuk," explained Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15 children...so, 20 of us in the family, we need a lot of money to support ourselves..."
"I see," said Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask the Chinese guy to come in now?"

The Chinese guy comes in and Dr M asks, "Ah Chong, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid?"
Ah Chong thinks for a while, and suddenly says, "3 million."
Mahathir is shocked. "WHAT?! 3 million? Why so much?!"
Ah Chong beckons Dr M to come closer and whispers, "One million you keep, one million I keep, and one more million to send the aneh into space."
Dec 23. 2005

Mahathir’s Kanchil
Have you seen the Made-in-Malaysia car "Kancil"? You know, that very little 600 cc car?

Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when he paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with George Bush, Dr M checked with Bush to find out if there was a way to sell the Kancil in the USA.

After having looked at the brochure, Bush said, "You know, I think this 'Kernchill' is too small for us Americans."

Not one to give up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Bush offered, "Ok, take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North America."

Dr M was satisfied with the meeting and returns to Malaysia. The next day he called the number and a lady answered, "Toys R Us", can I help
you?"
Nov 26, 2005

Fathers know best..maybe
4 years: My daddy can do anything.
7 years: My dad knows a lot, a whole lot.
8 years: My father doesn't know quite everything.
12 years: Oh, well, naturally Father doesn't know
that, either.
14 years: Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned.
21 years: Oh, that man is out-of-date. What did you
expect?
25 years: He knows a little bit about it, but not much.
30 years: Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks.
35 years: A little patience. Let's get Dad's assessment
before we do anything.
50 years: I wonder what Dad would have thought about
that. He was pretty smart.
60 years: My Dad knew absolutely everything!
65 years: I'd give anything if Dad were here so I could
talk this over with him. I really miss that man.


Rafidah joke!
Thanks to blogger Jeff Ooi's 'Screenshots'
Joke that's hitting KL: Rafidah Aziz was very angry and stormed out from her birthday party because all the guests kept saying:
AP Birthday 2U
AP Birthday 2U...

Fun: Manning a help-desk!
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and.....
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Is that your left or my left?

Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'.
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it...

Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work!

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple,
a Capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

A customer couldn't get on the Internet: -
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I watched my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

Helpdesk: What anti-virus programme do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus programme.
Customer: Oh, sorry ... Internet Explorer.

Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech Support, may I help you?
Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can You please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago.
Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?

Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter " a ", but how do I get the circle around it?
Jul 3, 2005

Malaysians Vs Singaporeans
A tongue-in-cheek comparison by blogger Eddie G.
It's not as if you hadn't noticed, but Malaysians and Singaporeans do have quite a bit in common. However, if you do pay attention, you might notice some distinguishing traits that might spell the difference between a true blue Malaysian and a die-hard Singaporean. These are guidelines. No one has to follow them, but generally they do.
AT A BUFFET
Malaysian: Eats until he throws up
Singaporean: Eats until he throws up, and then eats some more
LAW & ORDER
Malaysian: Knows his laws, disobeys them and that's fine
Singaporean: Knows his laws, disobeys them and gets fined
ECONOMY
Malaysian: Trade Union owned by rich, pretentious bast--ds who don't know sh-t about the struggles of the working class
Singaporean: Trade Union owned by the government
MANNERS
Malaysian: Cuts a queue, feels guilty, tries to pretend nothing happened
Singaporean: Cuts a queue, feels guilty, tries to justify his motive ("Actually hor, you know ah, I've been here already for very long, one!")
CUSTOMS
Malaysian: Attempts to smuggle drugs and tobacco into Singapore
Singaporean: Attempts to smuggle chewing gum into Singapore
LEADERSHIP
Malaysian: Former Prime Minister retires and goes off to enjoy life while calling the shots from behind the scene
Singaporean: Former Prime Minister retires... oh wait, no he doesn't.
INFRASTRUCTURE
Malaysian: Builds Twin Towers to symbolise what Malaysia is all about
Singaporean: Builds Twin Metal-Spiked Balls for the same purpose
CORRUPTION
Singaporean: Culprit begs policeman for leniency
Malaysian: Policeman begs culprit for bribes
POLITICS
Malaysian: Believes in a one-phantom-one-vote policy
Singaporean: Lee Kuan Yew votes on behalf of the country
CENSORSHIP
Singaporean: Allows adult films to be screened so long as patrons are of age and film possesses a certain aesthetic value
Malaysian: Buy the VCD lah!
PATRIOTISM
Malaysian: Sings Malaysian National Anthem in Bahasa Malaysia
Singaporean: Sings Singaporean National Anthem in Bahasa Malaysia (http://eddiegness.blogspot.com)
Apr 24, 2004

How business is done!
Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son.
Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride".
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case..."

Next Jack approaches Bill Gates
Jack: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Jack: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case..."

Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Jack: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Jack: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case....."
This is how business is done!!
Mar 5, 2005

Mistaking a mistake....
The following is an advertisement from a real-life newspaper, which appeared 4 days in a row, the last 3 hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.
MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone
948-0707 after 7pm & ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred in R.D. Jones' ad yesterday.
It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone
948-0707 & ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7pm"
WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received
several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the
classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows:
"For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone
948-0707 after 7 PM. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."
THURSDAY Notice: "I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale.I
smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected I haven't been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my house keeper but she quit!"
Feb 18, 2005